Why You're Not Enjoying Oral Sex & What To Do About It

Some people just don't enjoy that tongue-on-clit feeling, and that's totally OK! You might be someone who prefers more manual stimulation (fingers are much firmer and less slobbery!), vibration from toys, or penetrative intercourse. There's no such thing as "normal" when it comes to sex—you like what you like. If there's something you don't enjoy, you don't need to force yourself to enjoy it. Find the things you do like and focus on doing those things.

Some women don't enjoy oral sex because they are uncomfortable with their vagina and just feel anxious when someone comes face-to-face with it.

It's possible you've never consciously thought about how you feel about your vagina and vulva, but poor genital self-image can definitely make it harder to enjoy sex and even have orgasms. Especially when it comes to oral sex, you need to love your yoni for you to be able to fully lean into the pleasure. That means learning to love its shape, size, color, and smell.

It can be helpful to get to know the beautiful diversity of what different people's vulvas look like. (The vulva is the external visible part of your genitalia, which includes the opening to your vagina, which is the internal tract. Most people's self-consciousness is actually related to their vulva's look and feel.) Don't compare yours to porn star vaginas. Porn stars often bleach their skin and sometimes undergo surgical treatments to make their labia smaller and their skin tighter. They're not supposed to look realistic—they're an exaggerated fantasy version of a vulva.

Take a peek at The Vulva Gallery to get more familiar with what vulvas can look like. Spoiler alert: There's no one shape, size, or color!

Before you engage in oral sex, see if you can start to get some of your sexual energy flowing through your body. One way to do that is through my OYoga workout. The moves were created to activate your sexual energy. If you want to start small, try this simple OYoga move: Stand with your feet hip-distance apart and put your hands on your hips. Make micro-circles with your hips in both directions. As you do that, squeeze your Kegel muscles to really pump up your sexual energy. Add in hip tilts—front and back—to really get your juices flowing.

Oral sex is way more intimate than penetrative intercourse, so it's possible that your inability to enjoy oral sex stems not from issues with receiving cunnilingus but instead from underlying issues in your relationship to the partner performing it on you.

Start exploring the potential emotional and psychological reasons you might not enjoy oral sex. I once had a client who was only able to enjoy extremely rough sex, and she didn't enjoy oral either. For her, sex was a way of numbing out an overactive mind and past trauma. It was hard for her to relax and receive. She ultimately ended up getting divorced from that partner and found that she didn't have any sexual intimacy issues with her next partner, who was a better match for her in and out of the bedroom.