Tantric Techniques For Getting In The Mood When You Just Don't Feel Sexy

Question: I always love having sex when I have it, but it's hard for me to motivate myself and get in the mood. Often, other things (watching Netflix, sleeping!) get in the way, even though I know it will feel better later. What should I do?

It's kind of like working out—we know it's good for us, and we feel great after doing it, but getting started can be tricky when we're living busy lives. The simple answer is: You must make time for sex. Period. You need to make your relationship a priority if it's going to last. And sex is an important part of any romantic relationship.

In tantra, having sex is like praying. It builds your chi—or energy. So, even if you feel tired, the simple act of having sex will charge your battery and give you more energy for everything else you do.

It might sound awkward to plan for sex, but putting a sex date in your calendar can really help. If you're like me, once I put something on my to-do list, I make sure it gets done. Check your schedule with your partner and pick a day that is not too stressful, like a lazy Sunday, instead of, say, right after work on a weekday.

By planning ahead, you have a whole week leading up to your sexy date to flirt, send naughty photos to each other, and talk about what you can't wait to do to each other. This builds anticipation. Several days of naughty flirting is sure to get you in the mood.

Try my Self-Love Striptease as a predate ritual or a daily ritual to start feeling more sensual. Stand in front of your mirror in Standing Goddess pose with your hands on your hips and doing my OYoga hip circles and hip tilts as you caress your body with the featherlike touch of your fingertips. Let your hair down and sway it back and forth on your shoulders, taking in the sensual feel of your hair on your bare skin. Or run your fingers through your hair.

On the day of your big sex date, set a sensual scene that awakens all five of your senses—you can light candles and incense, pour yourself a glass of wine or break off a piece of yummy chocolate, put on your favorite sexy music, and dim the lights.

Stage your bedroom like you're setting a scene for a romantic movie ... or a porn scene, if that's more your thing! You'll want to tidy up the room, make the bed, put on your silkiest sheets, and hide the cat toys, baby blankets, and family photos. Take time to adorn yourself as well. I don't know about you, but when I put on lingerie, I feel sexy, and when I feel sexy I want sex.