The Ultimate Guide To Mutual Masturbation: Benefits, Tips & Tricks From Experts

No matter why you decide to explore this activity, here's what you need to know about it before you welcome others to your party. 

Because you can enjoy mutual masturbation without touching or being touched, Courtney Geter, LMFT-S, CST, says long-distance partners can engage in masturbation together via phone or video call. And when partners are in the same location, they can mutually masturbate as a way to explore a new type of sexual play together (or to get sexy while social distancing). 

Outercourse like mutual masturbation is a great option when intercourse or penis-in-vagina sex isn't an option—after all, there are tons of ways to pleasure yourself and your partner without it. "For partners who may not be ready, interested, or able to engage in penetration, mutual masturbation is a pleasurable and connected sexual experience that can be fulfilling for all involved," says Herzog. 

It's simple: Orgasms cause your brain to release a surge of endorphins, which make you feel good. There are so many benefits of masturbation, so when you mutually masturbate, Geter says it can "allow for sexual expression or pleasure and can improve moods just like other sexual behaviors or interactions."

According to Herzog, mutual or group masturbation is "an incredibly safe sexual practice that provides a ton of opportunity for pleasure and exploration." Because partners usually don't make physical contact with each other during mutual masturbation, there is no risk of transmitting or receiving any sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Even with partner-assisted masturbation, the risk of transmission is significantly reduced. 

Plus, Geter points out that for people who experience pain with penetration, masturbation can be helpful. Why? Because it provides an alternative (but still pleasurable!) way to enjoy sexual play, bonding with a partner, and other sexual behaviors without experiencing discomfort.

Mutual masturbation can be an "all-encompassing sensory experience," says Herzog—one that increases your pleasure as you watch your partner enthusiastically or passionately touch themselves. You also "get to hear them groan and moan, which is pretty hot all on its own, especially if auditory experiences turn you on." 

When partners watch each other masturbate, it's a great way to see what the other likes physically. "You get to show your partner what feels amazing for your body" and vice versa, explains Herzog. And beyond being an instructional experience that lets you and your partner show better ways to give each other more pleasure, Sweet says mutual masturbation "can be very intimate and bonding to show your partner(s) how you climax when you're alone."

Many people have their best orgasms when they do it themselves, she adds, and sharing "a powerful self-produced orgasm can be a really fun and hot experience."

Sex drives can be hard to match up, so there will likely come a time when your partner wants to get hot and heavy but you want to keep it cool and light in your PJs. In those instances, Geter says mutual masturbation is a sexy but comfortable activity to engage in when one partner is aroused and needs sexual release while the other isn't in the mood. Consider it a pleasurable compromise.

Couples can enjoy mutual masturbation as foreplay or the main act, and you can always add sex toys to the mix for heightened pleasure. And unlike most forms of sex, there are fewer restrictions. 

Here are a few tips and places to start: 

If you need a starting point, use Herzog's prompts:

"There's no one right way to bring up conversations about exploring sex or masturbation," says Sweet, so her advice is to make it playful and light. "And above all else, don't 'yuck' your partner's 'yum!'"

"Like any other sex act, lighting, sound, smell, taste, and touch are all components of the experience," explains Sweet. To set the scene for mutual masturbation, she recommends playing music, burning a candle or setting dim lighting during or before, or both.

Another idea is to maintain eye contact to increase intimacy and heat things up even more. Sweet says, "Folks may want to look at one another during the masturbation session or gaze at the same mirror so they can see themselves and their partner(s)." 

If you are curious about which toys and accessories to include, here are a few to consider besides vibrators:

You can also try Geter's recommendation: One partner sits while the other lies down as you both stroke and caress your own or their genitalia. 

Remember, there are many positions you can try to please yourself and your partner. The classic "69" can work great during mutual masturbation: Here, Geter says one partner lies on their back and the other lies on top facing the opposite direction. "This allows each partner to access each other's genital areas and stimulate at the same time." You can also take turns and pleasure each other one at a time. 

Instead of sitting over your partner's pelvis like a typical straddle, Herzog says you can sit a little higher up on their stomach or chest, which gives you the opportunity to stimulate yourself and them the ability to reach their genitals. In this position, she says you can easily stimulate each other. "It also gives the partner lying down a really great view of you pleasuring yourself."

You can maximize everyone's pleasure during virtual mutual masturbation with a trusted partner (or partners) with these tips:

Just because you can't physically be with your partner doesn't mean this sexual experience will lack pleasure, Herzog reminds us. "This is an opportunity to cultivate excitement and pleasure between you and your virtual partner," she says. Take advantage and get creative. 

Another major risk to keep in mind is limited privacy. "Just like with any other sex act, if you take your mutual masturbation into the digital realm," says Sweet, "you risk it being leaked to the world, both deliberately and by accident!"

However, "it's up to the individuals to create a safe space for exploring this space," says Sweet, and consent is a huge part of that. "It's important that consent is enthusiastically established and that all parties know they can revoke their consent at any time."