This Mom Opens Up About Her Picture-Perfect Instagram Feed

I feel compelled to share the truth behind the last couple of weeks because it was far from how it looked on my Instagram. Let's face it, social media paints the prettiest picture of all our lives. I posted this adorable (if I do say so myself) shot of Benjamin kissing me before sending me off to class and then proceeded to get an overwhelming amount of DMs asking how I manage to do it all and stay so balanced. As I was reading these comments—while completely flattered—I just kept thinking to myself, If only these people knew what was really going on leading up to, behind the scenes of, and after this picture they see on their Instagram feed.

One of my role models, Marianne Williamson, always talks about waking up in the morning and washing the dirt and negative energy off ourselves from the day before and really creating clear space for yourself for the day ahead. I started my morning with chaos, so chaos crept its way into my entire day. Let’s get real for a sec—I give advice about the importance of creating routines and making time but in reality, things come up. Some days I can take a moment and get back on track, and other times I can’t; it’s just human nature. I'm not perfect. This weekend is one specific example, but believe me, it’s not the first and won't be the last time I’ve felt overwhelmed and off track from my own advice.

As a mom, walking away when your baby wants you is heart-wrenching. In this case, I was walking away to study for something that I was having a hard time with—I wasn't getting any pleasure out of the situation on either end. I couldn't help but think to myself Am I choosing Pilates over my son? Cue the major mom guilt.

With my website relaunching, studying for my Pilates mat certification, filming daily workouts for my Fitner channel, not to mention the biggest job of all, taking care of my baby—I really felt everything crash down on me. I had more than a few moments of doubt where I thought, Should I have waited until B was older to grow my business? Was I being selfish? I couldn’t help but think I was doing something wrong by not timing all of my work and certification trainings to when B starts school himself.

The thing about mom guilt is that you never know when it will hit. At times I can rationalize that working and trying to do it all is so important for myself and ultimately for my family. At other times it feels like I am letting down my son by not being there in those moments when he really just wants me. On top of already feeling this way, you add in tons of people on the internet with opinions on your job as a mother (and trust me—trolls are not afraid to express themselves).

This weekend was a good reminder that I cannot do it all. I’ll never forget this book that was given to me called You Can’t Do It All. At the time, I thought to myself, Yes, I can. I can have a career; I can be a great mom. I think that building a business and brand really does take more time and energy than you can imagine. That time and energy isn't just confined to the office, it comes home with you too. I’ve had a job since I was 15 years old and I love to work. If you feel that way, I think it’s really important to honor that for yourself...whether you have a family or not. That said, there is nothing like a good reality check—like this particular weekend for me. As much as I'm loving my family and work, I can’t be perfectly balanced all the time, something has to give. And it takes daily practice to come to terms with that. In taking on all of these projects at the same time, it makes sense that some moments will not be your finest. No judgment here ever; we all do the best we can with what we have.