Losing Feelings For Your Partner? Here's What To Do, From Relationship Experts

It can be very confusing and distressing to lose feelings for someone while you’re still dating. You might think the relationship has run its course—and while that could be true, it's also possible for feelings to return. Healthy relationships involve work and maintenance, and this hard-earned romantic homeostasis can aid in our overall wellbeing and longevity. 

Take time to reflect on why you lost feelings in the first place. “Identify any underlying issues, external factors, or personal changes that may have contributed to the decline in emotions,” says Amber Kelleher-Andrews, world-renowned relationship expert and professional matchmaker. 

According to licensed marriage and family therapist Jeff Yoo, LMFT, at times, losing feelings is a personal issue and has nothing to do with your partner. 

“Prioritize your needs and take care of yourself,” he tells mindbodygreen, adding, “When you are putting your energy into work, home, and family, and neglect your personal care and needs, you will become stressed and emotional. That is when we try to find a place to put the blame [and] stress can become dissatisfaction in our romantic life or personal relationships.” 

Yoo suggests seeking advice from a qualified therapist that specializes in relationships and couples counseling. According to him, “Some people seek help through self-help books and or organizations, but it may be more difficult without an unbiased and unemotional counterpart to help you weed through the issues."

How does one do this when they are not in love? According to Kelleher-Andrews, this is where the effort comes in. “Find what you do like in your partner, as simple as it may be, and remember to show appreciation and gratitude.”

It could be as simple as their smile, doing the dishes, or going grocery shopping. This may not seem groundbreaking, but it's your opportunity to express appreciation for what your partner does well, and acknowledge their positive qualities. 

Engaging in meditation and mindfulness practices can help you stay grounded and centered during challenging times. As Kelleher-Andrews explains, “These practices can help you manage stress, cultivate self-awareness, and make decisions from a place of clarity."

“If you grow apart, you will need to reconnect over shared alignment, morals, and values once again,” Kelleher-Andrews advises, adding to rebuild your important emotional connection by prioritizing spending quality time together.

Physical affection is an important aspect of a romantic relationship, not to mention scientifically proven to enhance overall health and wellbeing1. 

There are many reasons people lose feelings in a relationship, and some may be beyond articulation. Still, it’s important to try to pinpoint some common reasons, in order to increase clarity about the situation. 

“People lose feelings when something comes along to disrupt the status quo or things are stagnant for too long,” says licensed therapist and relationship expert, Michele Leno Ph.D., adding, “Situational factors such as financial stress, job change, or relocation can alter your feelings.”

Moreover, feeling ignored or disregarded may create emotional distance. Lack of physical attraction may also contribute to the problem. 

It's important to remember that these signs do not necessarily mean that your feelings are permanent. 

“You are not doomed—healthy relationships tend to jump in and out of these ‘signs’ over time, and still couples can have a strong bond once again,” Kelleher-Andrews tells mindbodygreen, adding, “I like to see relationships like the never-ending tides. Emotions come in and out like the ocean. This is because we are not stagnant creatures, we are human beings and we react to many circumstances around us, and this affects those we love.” 

So when we find ourselves in a rut, it's an opportunity to reflect within and remember to give yourself grace and time to figure it all out. Leno suggests this might also involve taking some space away from your loved one, to process everything.

Remember that whatever you choose, all is not lost. You will love and be loved again, whether it is within this relationship or without. 

“If you are not ready to leave the relationship, make an effort to love them again,” Leno says. But if you've exhausted your resources, she adds, "It may be time to end the relationship.”

It's essential to trust your instincts and do what feels right for you. Everyone’s wellbeing and happiness should be a priority when navigating through the rebuilding phases of a relationship, including yours.