How Soon Is Too Soon To Propose? 18 Signs You're Ready + Red Flags To Watch For

At the same time, being very happy in your relationship does not automatically mean you're ready to get engaged. It's important to consider what a proposal really means and whether your relationship is really ready to take that step. To help you think through the decision and timing, we spoke with marriage therapists to get their insights into how soon is too soon to propose, how to know when you're ready to get engaged, and more.

The honeymoon phase tends to last anywhere from about three months to a year, she notes, and is typically marked by feelings of infatuation, passion, and intense emotions. "I always suggest couples move out of the honeymoon phase before getting engaged so they are going in with eyes wide-open."

In general, both Andre and Earnshaw note that people today are generally waiting longer to get engaged, in part because many couples move in together prior to marriage these days and feel less pressure to get married as quickly as possible.

A couple that's truly ready for a proposal has already had conversations where they've both expressed the desire to marry each other and to do so in the near future. There is no ambiguity about what you both want. 

Even when you think of your individual dreams for the future, you envision your partner there with you as part of the full picture. You use terms like "our home," "our kids," and other indicators that you are planning for a joint future, Andre notes.

To be ready for an engagement, you must have a clear understanding of what type of relationship your partner wants, says Earnshaw. For example, she says, "Do they want marriage? Do they believe in monogamy? Do you both want children?" These are all questions to ask before marriage and make sure you're on the same page about.

On that note, it's important to make sure you and your partner are aligned on big-picture values and lifestyle preferences prior to a proposal. You know you're ready to propose when you've already had deep conversations about the following topics, you know where you both stand, and you align on the things that matter most to you both: 

Your partner might be extremely loving and considerate to you right now, but how do they treat the other people in their life? A few years from now, when the highs of early romance have worn off and you're deep into the simultaneously stressful and dull minutiae of everyday life, the way they treat you will likely look pretty similar to the way they treat most people in their social orbits. 

If you know for a fact that the two of you generally approach disagreements well, and you have had many experiences of the two of you negotiating peacefully, that's a good sign that your relationship has a strong foundation for marriage.

You're ready to propose when you know with confidence that you can both navigate those moments in consistently healthy ways, based on the way your previous conflicts have gone. Your arguments rarely turn nasty, and if they have in the past, you have taken ample time to learn how to minimize those harmful behaviors.

On an emotional level, one sign that you're ready to propose is when you find yourself starting to envision married life with this person. "[Your] actions start to align with proposing," says Andre. "You find yourself thinking about how you would propose, what ring styles to consider, what the wedding would look like, and things you look forward to when married."

"Find out before you propose if your partner would be willing to set your relationship up for success with premarital counseling," Earnshaw recommends. This conversation can also itself be illuminating, as it can reveal how you both think about the idea of personal growth and spending intentional time on your relationship—necessary ingredients for a successful marriage. 

That's because a few months of knowing each other often doesn't give a couple enough time to experience the full breadth of life events together. As Earnshaw points out, the first year of a relationship is typically filled with a lot of highs, and it's not necessarily representative of what daily life will be like together once the highs wear off. It's helpful to have a few repetitions of good, bad, boring, and chaotic periods together as a couple before you commit to a forever together, so you have a sense of the flow of your relationship that you can expect to cycle through for the rest of your life.

Earnshaw recommends waiting until this "honeymoon stage" is over before you get engaged—at least a year, to be safe. Think of it like this: If passion is at a peak right now, you'll want to know what your relationship feels like on the other side of that peak and make sure an engagement still feels right even when your hormones aren't raging. 

"If you haven't met their family, friends, and other essential members of their life, it's too early," says Andre. It's too soon to propose when you don't know much about the people closest to your partner, as those people say a lot about who your partner is and how they approach the important relationship in their lives. 

The last thing you want is to be years into a marriage when you realize that you're incompatible when it comes to (for example) your parenting styles, spending habits, or expectations for sex in a marriage. 

According to Earnshaw, another major sign that it's too soon to propose is you don't know that much about their life outside of you and your relationship. Do you know their career and life aspirations? What they do for work and how they spend their free time? Who are the people they spend time with and talk to regularly? You should not only know the answers to these questions but also have intimate familiarity with all these aspects of your partner's life. 

"If your reasons are superficial and selfish, it may be too early to propose," says Andre. "If you can only think of things that person does for you, or aesthetic reasons, you might want to wait until you can identify shared values and character traits that your future partner shares."

Another clear sign that it's too soon to get engaged: You have yet to figure out how to navigate conflict with respect, says Earnshaw. "If you haven't built the skills for conflict management yet, then engagement won't change that. Slow down and take time to learn how to better navigate differences together."

Or, it could mean that one or both of you is not yet comfortable being fully honest and authentic in the relationship yet—another sign that it's much too soon to be thinking about a proposal. 

"While I would hope it goes without saying, in reality it doesn't," says Earnshaw. "Many people propose in hopes it will strengthen a faltering or noncommittal relationship. Only propose to someone who has an equal level of excitement and commitment to your relationship."

A proposal is more than just a big gesture or a milestone to check off your list. A proposal represents a commitment—a commitment to share life with this person, day after day, through the stresses and boredom of daily life, long after the high of saying yes and then saying "I do" passes. It's a commitment to supporting their dreams and well-being with the same gusto that you put into your own and tying your future to theirs. It's important to go into this decision with clear eyes, a lot of shared experiences under your belt as a couple, and much clarity and conversation before anyone ever actually gets down on one knee.