What Is Enmeshment? 12 Signs To Spot It & How To Heal

A close bond in familial or romantic relationships is often assumed to be a good thing, but sometimes, it can cross the line into enmeshment. Recognizing the signs of an enmeshed relationship can help identify trouble spots and can ultimately lead to a healthier relationship.

For example, parents who develop an extreme overinvolvement in their child's life may create an enmeshed family relationship. "This is a situation in which the ego boundaries among individuals are so poorly defined that they cannot separate or individuate from one another without experiencing tremendous anxiety, anger, or other forms of emotional distress," one study1 explains. 

Recognizing whether you're in an enmeshed relationship can be difficult, particularly if it's all you've ever known, like in the case of a parent-child relationship. These signs and signals, shared by Muñoz and psychotherapist Daryl Appleton, Ed.D., may help you determine if you're experiencing enmeshment: 

Other examples from Muñoz include: 

In certain cases, a deep generational trauma (i.e., the Holocaust or Irish Potato Famine) might play a role in enmeshment, Page says. When families feel afraid or suspicious of outsiders, they can shut them out and choose to focus exclusively on one another's needs. "For children in this situation, it's hard to differentiate and develop lives of their own because of the sense of guilt and enmeshment," he says. 

Ultimately, enmeshment is a form of control that can dissolve a person's own emotional identity and individuality. It can often be mistaken for a healthy, tight-knit family, friendship, or romantic relationship, Appleton says, until one member of the relationship tries to create space or develop their own identity. Though it's difficult to set boundaries in these types of relationships, it is possible, and healing can occur.

"Codependency tends to describe a relationship between one person who rescues or enables and another person who acts out through emotional, physical, or substance abuse," Muñoz says. Enmeshment generally describes the behaviors, communications styles, and actions taken within a codependent friendship or relationship.

Setting and keeping boundaries is a healthy way to care for yourself and your needs, without being influenced by others. Remember, you should only be there for another person some of the time, Muñoz says. "Enmeshed relationships, and codependent relationships, operate on the implicit expectation that one or both partners need to be there all of the time."