Need To End A Friendship? Here's How To Do It In A Healthy & Mature Way

Friendships are a source of joy and community in our lives—when we're friends with the right people, that is. But once in a while, you might start realizing a friendship isn't serving you, and when that happens, it's important to know how to end it.

There are innumerable reasons a friendship might end or fizzle out, and those reasons aren't always personal. Of course, sometimes they are personal, but in either case, ending a friendship that isn't working out is still valid.

As psychotherapist Annette Nuñez, Ph.D., LMFT, tells mindbodygreen, we all crave human connection, but when that connection doesn't feel reciprocated, for instance, you might want to end the friendship. A friend could also feel draining to be around or bring out the worst in you, and that would be another reason, she explains.

But then there are times when the issue is less black and white, such as when two friends start moving in different directions (literally or figuratively).

As licensed therapist De-Andrea Blaylock-Solar, MSW, LCSW-S, CST, notes, ending a friendship doesn't have to be a dramatic, vindictive process, but rather two people sharing honestly about the impact the friendship has on them and how to move forward in a way that's healthy for both people.

Ending a friendship can be a heavy task, and those kinds of confrontations are rarely easy. As such, Blaylock-Solar recommends planning ahead what you'd like to say, even if that means coming up with a script beforehand or opting to write a letter instead.

It can be tempting to take the easy way out and ghost your friend to avoid having a conversation altogether, but that wouldn't be the mature thing to do, according to Nuñez.

Speaking of extending compassion, when you open up the conversation, remember that people react a lot better when you're open and honest with them about your feelings, as opposed to telling them all the things you can't stand about them.

Just like romantic breakups, friendship breakups can come with drama, especially if the two of you have mutual friends. But according to Blaylock-Solar, your best bet is to mitigate as much drama as possible by keeping it between you and your friend.

Breakups come with boundaries, whether that's telling your friend you don't want to be in contact anymore or telling them you can't be there to support them as you have in the past.

Speaking of not going back on boundaries, one of the main reasons people cave on their boundaries amid a friendship breakup is because of guilt. And as Nuñez says, you should never feel guilty for doing what's best for your well-being.

As aforementioned, friendship breakups don't have to be a dramatic blowout, and oftentimes end up fizzling out on their own as contact becomes less and less frequent. For instance, Nuñez says, "Maybe your friendship turns into reaching out on the holidays, wishing them happy birthday, and you become acquaintances more than friends," adding that this is totally OK.

When you do have a conversation with your friend about ending the friendship, as aforementioned, you want to focus on your feelings and reasons for ending the friendship but in a way that doesn't provoke defensiveness.

There's a difference between a friendship that's not serving your growth and a friendship that's significantly and negatively impacting your quality of life. If a friend has been abusive in any way or is engaging in behaviors that make you feel unsafe or violated, don't hesitate to cut off contact immediately.

Friendship breakups can be just as difficult as romantic breakups, especially if you and this friend were close or have been friends a long time.

But according to Nuñez, good friends help you be a better person and bring out the best in you, so be sure to remind yourself of that if you start missing the companionship you found in this friend.

When you no longer have this person draining your time or energy, you'll have more space in your life to find friends who do bring out the best in you—and those are the friends you want, after all.