How To Help Build Confidence For Shy Kids, According To An Expert

Vaughan notes, "Anything we don't do on a regular basis is going to cause anxiety, so the less kids engage in person with other kids, the more anxious, the more shy they will feel when they are face-to-face with other children. It's not that they lack the skills or the ability necessarily—they lack practice." She adds, "It's practice that gives kids confidence in social situations, and it's actual engagement that provides kids with the evidence that they're capable of socializing and connecting." 

"It's critical that kids stay in situations at least until any discomfort begins to dissipate—dissipating anxiety is a sign that your child is desensitizing," says Vaughan. "If you allow your child to avoid discomfort or leave uncomfortable situations, you'll inadvertently reinforce any fears they might have, and that fear will grow." 

"Have your child take responsibility for one or two chores that help keep your family afloat while emphasizing that every household member plays a part in supporting the family unit," says Vaughan. "Kids benefit from the sense of accomplishment chores provide and derive self-worth from playing a vital role on the family team."

"When parents ask kids to weigh in regularly, children grow to believe that their perspectives matter and are likely to keep speaking up," she says. 

"Differences often cause anxiety for kids, but when others take interest in them, they can become a source of pride," says Vaughan. "Rather than illuminating differences yourself, encourage your child to share with you and display an enjoyment of their distinct traits, talents, and interests." 

"Kids gain confidence in their abilities as they become more self-reliant—so push them to try out new, developmentally appropriate behaviors, she says. "Examples might include preparing simple meals, working independently on homework, and ordering their own meal at a restaurant." 

"Kids whose parents reinforce hard work rather than specific outcomes experience greater enjoyment in their endeavors and resilience when efforts don't pan out," says Vaughan, whereas children with outcome-oriented parents often avoid difficult tasks due to fear they may disappoint themselves or others." So, be sure to reward the effort no matter the outcome.