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Am I Asexual? Take This Test To Better Understand Your Sexuality
If you've never or rarely experienced any sexual desire for others, it would be natural to wonder whether you're asexual. Asexuality comprises an umbrella of sexual orientations that are mostly defined by their lack of sexual attraction—but contrary to popular misconceptions, it doesn't mean that people who are asexual don't have sex or aren't in romantic relationships. As with all things in life, there is a lot of nuance to asexuality.
Asexual test
What is asexuality?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is defined as a lack of sexual attraction to others, according to Anthony F. Bogaert, Ph.D., author of Understanding Asexuality.
Asexuality, like other sexual orientations, exists on a spectrum, according to sex educator Anne Hodder-Shipp, CSE. Some asexual people feel no sexual desire whatsoever. Others may feel low or rare levels of sexual attraction, and they are often referred to as graysexual. Some people within the asexual spectrum feel sexual desire only after they have formed an emotional connection with another person, and they are often called demisexual.
For some asexual people, the thought of engaging in sexual activity is repulsive, while others may feel neutral about having sex and choose to have sex for reasons other than desire.
Meanwhile, some people may question whether they're asexual when it's more likely they have low libido or simply crave less sex.
"It's a wonderful, incredible, almost privileged thing to be able to notice something about yourself and affirm it without trying to make it go away or pretend it's not there," Hodder-Shipp says. "It's one of the most self-loving things you can do to explore something about yourself and your identity even though it feels maybe nerve-wracking."
What to do with your results
It feels good to understand ourselves better. If you think you might be asexual (or graysexual, or demisexual), then you might find comfort in researching more about the sexual orientations and reading about the experiences of other asexual people.
"The only thing that makes asexuality feel stressful for a lot of people who are questioning about it is society and culture," Hodder-Shipp says. "Just like how being trans isn't challenging. The thing that makes being trans challenging is the world we live in. So it may be challenging to be openly on the asexuality spectrum in the world, but it's not because of being openly asexual. It's because of other people's misconceptions, ignorance, and just the fact that people are incredibly uninformed about every sexual orientation."
When questioning your sexuality, Hodder-Shipp stresses that you should be open in your information-gathering process and try not to rush any judgments about yourself. You are always in control of who you tell about your sexuality.
And remember: There are benefits to being asexual.
"Sexuality can be source of pleasure and bonding between people, but it can also drive sexual people a bit mad at times. For example, sexual jealousy can be a powerful undermining force in people's lives. So, a lack of sexual attraction can make asexual people, at least at times, more stable throughout their relationship with others," Bogaert says.
FAQ
Can you have sex and be asexual?
Yes, according to Hodder-Shipp, it's a common misconception that asexual people don't have sex. Some asexual people have regular sex because there are many reasons people have sex, not only because they feel sexual desire. "They could be tired and want help sleeping, or they want to feel connected to their body, or they want to feel connected to their partner. They're bored and have some free time and it's fun to do," Hodder-Shipp says.
Do asexual people masturbate?
Yes. People masturbate for all kinds of reasons, only one of which is because they saw something that turned them on sexually. "It is true that asexual people generally masturbate less than sexual people, but some asexual people still masturbate for a variety of reasons. For example, sometimes it is just to release tension and to 'clean out the plumbing,'" Bogaert says.
Can you be asexual and in a relationship?
Also, yes. "One common misconception is that all asexual people must also be 'aromantic,' that is, lacking in a love connection to others," Bogaert says. "The reality is that many (although not all) asexual people still form love bonds with others, even if they lack sexual attraction to others."
The takeaway
Sexuality is fluid and personal. If you're questioning whether you might be asexual, understand that it's OK to figure things out and learn exactly what works for you. The asexuality spectrum is vast and full of nuance, after all.
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