How To Have A Date Night That Actually Sparks Romance, From A Couples' Counselor

Just as cars don't run without gas, relationships don't thrive without dedicated attention. Quality time together doing something fun and relaxing can put some needed pizzazz back into pandemic-weary relationships. Yet another movie isn't the answer. Instead, it's time to bring back the date night.

Do you cross off date nights as too much work to plan? You may be one of the many people who now find it daunting to go out and about as you once did. The tendency to permanently adopt a couch potato way of living is an impulse worth resisting, however. We humans become dull without stimulation—and very poor company.

We are a species that loves variety when it comes to romance. It's time to burn those baggy sweats, banish the worn-out pajamas to the back of the drawer, and don some more attractive attire in your most flattering colors.

Making this simple effort sends the message, "I'm back! And ready to connect and have fun with you!"

When it comes to planning a date night, what's most important is to do something different. We need a routine to feel secure, and we need novelty to make us feel alive. Doing something different, however commonplace the activity itself may seem, can lift up your spirits and put some energy back into your relationship. Think once a week, not once a month—we're creatures who need frequent recharging.

Intimate touch took a huge hit during the pandemic for many couples, and it can be a struggle to figure out how to get back on track. Intimate touch doesn't always mean sexual touch. Couples get hijacked away from pleasure-oriented touch by the idea that all touch should lead to high arousal and orgasms for all, every time.

Some of what creates sexual disconnection in any scenario is misinformation, brought to you by almost any screen you've ever watched. You may be one of those people who walks down the street with every sixth thought being sexual. You may be partnered with someone who never has a sexual thought walking down that same street. The world often divides into these two groups, known as spontaneous and responsive sexual styles, and they usually partner with someone from the other group. Both are completely normal, but the spontaneous style is often the only one that is known.

For responsive people, context is everything. Fatigue, preoccupation with a worry about a child, or a work deadline are total buzzkills. Another prominent feature of this group is that sexual desire tends to show up after they're engaged in touching. The biggest mistake people make is to assume that sexual desire should always be a prerequisite. This mistake leads to much lost opportunity!