How To Deal With Negative Body Talk From Friends, According To Self-Love Experts

We've all heard comments like "I hate my thighs," "My arms are so jiggly," or "Does this dress make me look fat?" Even simply reading those statements may elicit a negative response deep in your core—and for good reason.

You can probably imagine what negative body talk is based on the few examples listed above. It might seem relatively harmless on the surface, until you look deeper at why people do it—and how it affects all parties involved.

In a 2015 analysis1 published in the journal Body Image, researchers looked into why people engage in what they call "fat talk," referring to "self-disparaging remarks made to other people about one's weight or body." The research found that people participate in this type of negative conversation in an effort to reduce anxiety about their body—essentially by venting or "getting it out of their system" through verbalization.

The problem is that it doesn't work like that, according to licensed professional counselor Alicia Muñoz, LPC. She notes that it's common to complain to others in an effort to reduce the discomfort you're feeling and get rid of your self-judgment, but unfortunately, the negative body talk only ends up reinforcing those negative feelings.

"Speaking negatively about your own or another person's body, or commiserating with others who speak negatively about their bodies, doesn't actually 'get rid' of self-judgment and discomfort—it increases it," she explains to mbg. "The things you say get reinforced as you repeat them."

Indeed, the aforementioned study found that engaging in conversations like this has been linked with everything from low body esteem to body dissatisfaction to a drive for thinness and more.

The best approach to virtually any conflict is to open up an honest dialogue about the problem in a calm and compassionate way, and this is no exception. "If you hear friends judging their bodies, stop them gently by saying, 'I don't think it's helpful to talk about any part of yourself that way. How about we celebrate your face/thighs/legs/stomach instead?'" Muñoz suggests.

If a gentle dialogue isn't doing the trick, in come the boundaries. Don't feel bad asking your friend(s) to stop speaking negatively about their body in front of you—you can even cite the research we previously mentioned and explain that it's harmful for everyone involved.

As sexuality doula and educator Ev'Yan Whitney previously explained in an article about nurturing love for your body, "It's my job to make sure I'm filtering those things and that I'm being very mindful and proactive and putting up boundaries around myself. I get to choose which messages I internalize, and I get to create boundaries around the people, places, and things that take me out of my body."